PDA

View Full Version : Pigs


Ducatiboy749
3rd July 2007, 09:29 AM
Rt. Hon. David Milliband MP
Secretary of State
Dept. for Environment, Food and Rural Affairs (DEFRA)
Nobel House
17 Smith Sq.
London SW1P 3JR

16 May 2007

Dear Secretary of State,

My friend, who is in farming at the moment, recently received a cheque for 3,000GBP from the Rural Payments Agency for not rearing pigs. I would now like to join the "not rearing pigs" business.

In your opinion, what is the best kind of farm not to rear pigs on and which is the best breed of pigs not to rear? I want to be sure I approach this endeavour in keeping with all government policies, as dictated by the EU under the Common Agricultural Policy. I would prefer not to rear bacon pigs, but if this is not the type you want not rearing, I will just as gladly not rear porkers. Are there any advantages in not rearing rare breeds such as Saddlebacks or Gloucester Old Spots, or are there too many people already not rearing these?

As I see it, the hardest part of this programme will be keeping an accurate record of how many pigs I haven't reared. Are there any Government or Local Authority courses on this?

My friend is very satisfied with this business. He has been rearing pigs for forty years or so, and the best he ever made on them was 1422GBP in 1968. That is - until this year, when he received a cheque for not rearing any.

If I get 3000GBP for not rearing 50 pigs, will I get 6000 for not rearing 100?

I plan to operate on a small scale at first, holding myself down to about 4000 pigs not reared, which will mean about 240,000GBP for the first year. As I become more expert in not rearing pigs, I plan to be more ambitious, perhaps increasing to, say, 40,000 pigs not reared in my second year, for which I should expect about 2.4 millionGBP from your department.

Another point: These pigs that I plan not to rear will not eat 2,000 tonnes of cereals. I understand that you also pay farmers for not growing crops. Will I qualify for payments for not growing cereals to not feed the pigs I don't rear?

I am also considering the "not milking cows" business, so please send any information you have on that too.

In view of the above you will realise that I will be totally unemployed, and will therefore qualify for unemployment benefits.

I shall of course be voting for your party at the next general election.

Yours faithfully,

Nigel Johnson-Hill

RedRich
3rd July 2007, 10:15 AM
I could get into that line of work. Sounds just dandy.

Not sure about the term 'rearing pigs' though *grimaces. then takes another bite of bacon sarnie*

The Prince
3rd July 2007, 10:32 AM
Is this the place qwhere I can rant about the EU's ludcirous deiciosn to ban cod fishing despite the abundance of cod in the sea and the proof of the "accidental catch" evidence?

red brick
3rd July 2007, 10:01 PM
the really depressing bit about this is the fact farmers are making a fortune for doing nothing. i live on a small farm and the eu used to make a payment for each breeding sheep or cow on the farm. now you just get a payment for each hectare of land you own. basically this means the big landowners get hundreds of thousands or even millions for sitting scratching their balls every year.
the even worse bit is the fact millions of people are malnourished or starving to death each year, why doesn't the eu pay farmers to produce food for them at least they'd be getting something for their money.